Life is so unsatisfying,
Boring, sad and always lonely.
I still feel like dying.
I’ll never let you see me crying,
If I do I’d feel I lived so sadly.
Life is so unsatisfying.
My life is filled with lying,
Everyone speaks so falsely.
I still feel like dying.
My mind is fermenting,
Decaying ever so slowly.
I still feel like dying.
I feel like I am living for nothing,
My wanting for death screams loudly.
Life is so unsatisfying,
I still feel like dying.
You'd never believe how you make me feel. All the kindness you've given me
is what makes my life special. I want to live now, even if only for you. I long
to see what this world has to give me and you. I'm amazed by all the happiness
you've shown me. Yet the most meaningful thing to me is that you've given me
the caring friendship I've always wanted and needed. You're the special person
in my life, and I'll stay forever by your side.
Care a little less,
Quit your crying, try smiling,
Live a little more.
Give a little more,
Share your love, for it is true,
Help those who help you.
Shallow yet in a sense deep,
Like a rising river in the rainy spring.
Ugly yet beautiful in its own little way,
Like a dying flower on a crisp fall day.
This is my soul buried within.
Like a hollowed out tree,
My mind is empty, no pity for others lies within.
Filled with hate yet still holding a smile,
Everything fades; all that’s left is denial.
This is my soul buried within.
Full of emotion it does remain,
Yet none will ever show, there is far too much pain.
Never a failure, never a winner,
I’m a person lost in this world, always a Sinner.
This is my soul buried within.
Never will you see what lies within me,
For it is dark and fermenting like a corpse six feet deep.
Crying out for forgiveness for all that has happened,
Realizing nothings perfect, take nothing for granted.
This is my soul buried within.
No longer Alone
She held the blade within her hands; she had the
urge to bleed again. This time though she wanted to die, no longer wanting to
bare the pain she held inside. She felt so alone in her room by herself.
Sitting in the silence she heard an approaching noise. He burst through the
door, the only person she ever loved, as he looked at what she held in her
hands he softly begged her to stop. She noticed his face begin to pale and his
usually sturdy hands shake, he looked at her with some thing to say, she told
him to leave, he didn’t move and spoke anyway…
“Life is beautiful,” he said
to her, she thought for a second and called him a liar. He whispered, “I care
for you,” as he began to cry, “please don’t hurt yourself at least stay with
me.” She looked at his face soaked with tears, she thought about how he’s
helped her conquer her fears. Her voice trailed off as she said, “I don’t want
to live anymore.” She began to cry and whispered, “I feel unwelcome in this
life of mine.” He looked at her, through his tear gagged eyes; he wanted to
help her live her life.
He moved closer to her and
grabbed her hands, then decided he wanted to hold her instead. He held her
tight as if he’d never let go; he felt her tears stop their flow. She looked in
his eyes, redden from tears, she felt his love radiating to her. She said to
him, “Thank you so much.” He quieted her then looked in her eyes, and softly
said to her, “you’ll never again be alone, I’ll be by your side.”
The doors are closed, never to be opened again, you’ll never see inside,
never be able to peep in. I’ve locked the doors and thrown away the key. I
swear to myself I won’t let you see me. I’ve become too different to be with
you. You don’t understand me, you probably never will. I feel worthless to you,
never needed no matter what I do. I try to help you but you always shove me
aside. I used to feel strong, happy, and loved. Now all I feel is weak, sad,
and alone. I’ve finally stopped the pain; I’ll never let you use me again. It
is your loss not mine. Go find another fool to play your games. I will forever
remain hiding.
I stand on the edge looking over all I see below is my life slipping,
addictions I left behind are slowly coming back, why can’t I get rid of all
this shit? I try to get away; I place myself outside the group. Still this is
not enough change, people are cruel but I have gotten used to the things they
say. My anger keeps growing and it’s becoming harder to hide. I try not to
explode but I don’t know how much longer I can contain this. It’s overwhelming;
my brain is burning with all the angry thoughts that run through my head. I am
put through the torture daily my mood shifts until I am a total bitch. No
longer will I wait, if I stay here much longer who knows what could happen. I
am screaming out but know one hears me. Can’t you see what you’re doing to me
by leaving me here? You say you don’t understand me, but how could you, I have
to keep the real me locked inside for fear I could become angry or ashamed or
emotional. No one sees the real me, for there is no me to most. I don’t exist;
I am just a waste of space and air. I can not be myself because I am not good
enough for you, I am just a person. The light has gone dim and is almost out;
take me away, for I feel life slipping rapidly away.
This my friend is a scripture of who I am. I say these words to unlock my
doors and let you in. Enter my walled emotions and find what you seek, for all
these words are pieces of me. I can’t be everything and I am far from perfect,
but I am who I want to be and nothing can change that. So question what you
will and see what you dare to see but always remember a vision of me.
I look to you from so far away, and see the pain on your face. I don't know
what tortures you and causes you to hide away, though I wish I could help you
and see you smile again. I feel so worthless when I hear your crying and I
can’t help you even when I try. You've kept it all inside locked away from
everyone including me. I want to see your smile again and know that you’re
happy, but I'm on the outside unable to help destroy the demon within.
Away in a jungle of the hidden worlds there lived a spider that tortured
the minds of the people. The spider was formally called Shi-acklowa, meaning
scary beast, by the Sheazo people. Shi-acklowa was as gruesome looking as a
spider could be, he was as large as most of the village people's huts and had
hair of metallic silver. The Sheazo were deathly afraid of Shi-acklowa because
he would capture their children in his various webs and suck their bodies dry.
Daily the Sheazo prayed to their gods asking for a way to destroy the horrid
spider, but nothing ever came.
Suddenly in the village there was a large commotion, a group of four guys
arrived to try and conquer the legendary Shi-acklowa. "How do we find
Shi-acklowa," asked the guys. "You don't want to do this,"
replied the warden of the village, "Shi-acklowa eats people and has beaten
armies of hundred of men. What could the four of you mere teenage boys
do?" "We are stronger than you'd think, now show us the way,"
exclaimed Mark confidently
Seeing the four guy’s bravery and confidence the village leader gave in,
"follow me," he said dryly to the boys, "and if anything happens
to you it is your problem." "We understand that completely,"
said Derek, also known as Zoolander. The village man began leading the way out
of the village and into the vast jungle that surrounded it. "Is it true
that this spider, Shi-acklowa, is as big as a hut," asked Joseph with a
weary look in his eyes. "Shi-acklowa is large indeed," said the
villager, "and he eats our children who get lost in this jungle, and who
knows he may eat you!" "Gee, thanks, that is truly what I needed to
here," replied Joseph sarcastically. After hours of walking the village
man turned to the four and said, "I leave you now; continue this trail and
you will find Shi-acklowa. He is big and he eats humans yes, but he is week.
Slash the eye on his underside and he shall perish, that is if you can get to
the underside."
Quickly the village man turned and walked away. The four carried on walking for
another hour or so when they saw the beginnings of a web. Suddenly from the
trees above they heard a sick and dreadful screech. Within that instance
Shi-acklowa was on the ground in front of the four. "That’s the sickest
looking thing I’ve ever seen," said Shawn in a whispered tone. With a
quick swipe of a leg the spider was shooting string at the four, in that
instance Mark let out a scream. Shi-acklowa was spinning him up into a cocoon
of web. The remaining three grabbed for their friend but it was too late he was
already wrapped. They grabbed for their slingshots and magic paper wads and ran
directly for the spider. "You two distract him, I'll go underneath him,"
yelled Zoolander to Shawn and Joseph.
With that thought Shawn and Joseph ran head on to the spider. Slowly Zoolander
walked near the back of the spider to where he could get at his underside
easily. Suddenly Shawn screamed as Shi-acklowa began wrapping him into a webby
cocoon. Knowing he must act fast Zoolander paid no mind to the screams and
headed on with his mission. Soon he was under the spider with his slingshot and
magic paper wad. "Zoolander hurry up we've got to get these two to the
fountain of life as soon as this thing is dead," shouted Joseph. Knowing
he had to hurry Zoolander stood directly under the unseeing eye and shot his
magic paper wad into the air. Amazingly the paper wad hit directly on the eye
and Shi-acklowa let out a horrific squeal. With the quickness the spider began
to stumble on his gigantic eight legs, "Zoolander get out of there before
that thing falls on you," Joseph yelled over the screaming spider.
"I'm right behind you," exclaimed Zoolander, "now let’s get these
two to the fountain of life."
They picked up Mark and Shawn's webbed bodies and began walking back through
the Jungle. When they reached the village again the Sheazo people cheered and
threw gifts at the guys. The village leader walked up to the two, four if you
count the two webbed bodies, and said, "I see you had some complications,
but you did our village well. I will give you the directions to the fountain of
life so that you can save your friends, but you must hurry. He led the guys
through the trees to a narrow trail head, "follow this," he stated,
"and you shall be to the fountain of life within the hour, remember though
that you must cross the desert and at times the wind there can be dreadful.
The village leader turned back to the way they came and headed for the village.
"Common we have to get these to there soon so that they don't die on
us," said Joseph nervous at the thought of two of his buddies dying. They
started for the fountain of life, and wouldn't you know as they walked further
on the trail the jungle began to turn to a desert. "It is so weird how
this goes from Green to brown within a mile," stated Zoolander a little
bewildered at the site, "and it is getting dryer and hotter to."
"Imagine how the two in the webbing feel," Joseph said trying to lift
Zoolander's spirits a little. Suddenly there was nothing before them but sand.
They were now in the desert and the heat was causing them to fear for their
friends. "We have to hurry before these two dry up into skeletons,"
Joseph said without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. They sped up as much as
they thought they could without weakening themselves out but still were nervous
about how their friends were doing trapped inside of all the stringy webbing
that remained of Shi-acklowa. Suddenly out of nowhere the wind that the old
village man described crept up, within that instance a tornado of dust was
whirling around near the four.
"We got to hurry," cried Zoolander as he began to run across the
sand. The wind kept growing faster and faster as they ran up and down the
little sand dunes. A wall of sand suddenly rose above them and then everything
was sand all around them. "Keep running," yelled Joseph as loud as he
could covering his mouth so that the sand that was swirling around him didn't
fill it and choke him. Without seeing the two kept running as fast as they
could carry their friends.
Suddenly everything stopped and they were in a place much like the jungle. The
surrounding area was so lush and green that all they could do was stare for a
moment. It was a total shock to them, especially being that they were out of
the dry and heat of the previous jungle and desert, that it was actually cool
there. "Look, strait ahead there's the fountain," cried Zoolander
with relief, "let’s get these to over there before it is too late. The two
were so filled with excitement from seeing the fountain that they ran all the
way to it.
Out of thin air a girl appeared. She was small and frail but had a solemn face
that told of how strong she truly was. In a voice of more melodious than the
two had ever heard she simply said, "You have done well to defeat
Shi-acklowa and proved yourselves worthy to use the fountain of life. Lay your
friends on the ground under the waters and let the water remove the web."
With those few and graceful words she was gone. Amazed and in a half daze
Joseph and Zoolander carried their friends over to the fountain and laid them
down just as the girl had said. Within seconds the webbing was disappearing and
Shawn and Mark were waking.
"Where are we," Shawn asked as he sat up looking around in complete
daze, "and how did we get here?" "This is going to take a lot of
explaining," exclaimed Joseph, "put it this way. Shi-acklowa is dead,
and the rest of the story we will explain to you on our way back across the desert."
Mark turned and stared at Joseph with a shocked look upon his face,
"across the what?"
I say hello again to myself for there is no one to talk to and nothing that
is felt. I wish I could be happy I wish I could be free. I want to die and
break away from me. I am my own demon no one else can harm me as I have done; I
stare at the scars and remind myself what made each and every one. I cant feel
the happiness that I used to have, the memories ran dry and have left me
feeling out of hand. Don't tell me you understand and that you've been there to
because everyone is different that means I am nothing like you. our situations
may be similar and so very much alike but there is nothing relating us because
you don't know what or how I felt. Don't judge me by what you know and feel,
for you cant even judge yourself. So back away and don't try to change me
because I am the only one that can save me.